Ok, so this post in just about the fact that if you shut your mouth and listen you will learn more, get more business, and create better relationships. All of those things will happen if you spend more time listening and park your ego (and your need to talk) aside.
This is article is about another result of shutting your mouth and listening - an even bigger more powerful secret. That secret is the incredible amount you can learn about others not just from what they say, but from their body language. People like Frank Luntz have made a whole living off of analyzing the body language of people and what it means. You can use this for all areas of your life.
Body language will give you a lot of what you need to know about how a conversation is going. What is the other person's posture? Are they leaning forward into the conversation showing interest or sitting back with their arms cross showing reservation? Are they using their hands a lot? Are they animated? This gives insight into the type of personality they have -which is you understand personalities, you will be able to relate better to them and how their mind works.
There are so many things, that if you just be quiet and observe, you will find out about others - and about yourself. It is hard not to interject and talk about yourself and your ideas, but if you can practice restraint and allow others to reveal more about who they are; you will find that you can use what you learn to have more meaningful conversations, create better relationships, and ultimately find more success.
From Misfit's "Top 10 Lessons to Thrive and Succeed" Guidebook. Click here to get a FREE copy
Another lesson that I have found most important is that it is typically not one thing that sets the highly successful apart; it is a lot of little things done just a little bit better or differently that add up to a huge advantage. And this comes back to being disciplined and consistent. Let me give you a few examples.
How can you find your "Little things?" Try these steps...
Perhaps the only limits to the human mind are those we believe in...
No matter who you are or how successful you are, you will have to deal with self-limitations. Many times they seem to come out of nowhere and cause us to doubt ourselves. Things can be going just fine or great and all of the sudden - Wham! - a negative or self-limiting thought comes into your mind.
Where do these things come from? I took me a while to figure this out, but the answer is actually straightforward. They come from your beliefs. In fact, as I went on my journey of figuring this out,
I created a formula that encapsulates it all:
Beliefs -> Emotions/Feelings -> Thoughts -> Actions -> Results
If you take out every word, but the first and the last one, you get "Beliefs = Results."
It is not our thoughts that are self-limiting, but the beliefs behind them that cause our negative thoughts that are the source of problem.
So, how do we overcome self-limiting beliefs? The answer is simple, we change our beliefs. But, as we all know, that is easier said than done.
The first step is awareness, which I hope you are experiencing now. You cannot change something unless you are aware of it.
Next, take inventory of your beliefs. Have you ever really stopped and thought about what you truly believe? What are you principles? What are your core values? Where did they come from? Did you choose them or are they just there? You'll be surprised at how many things you thought you believed, that when you think about them, you really don't. You can then start to formulate the beliefs that YOU want to have.
Lastly, we have institute a process to catch ourselves and re-direct to what we want to have. For me, I found that following a simple process of "Stop, Ask, and Choose" works best. Stop yourself when you have negative or self-limiting thought. Ask yourself what "belief" is causing it. Choose whether to keep that belief or replace it with the one you want to have.
At first, this is very awkward and you will have to stop for a minute or two to go through the exercise, but after doing it for a little while, it will start to become easier and eventually a habit.
Self-limiting beliefs are housed in the deepest recesses of our mind and are not easy to change -- but they CAN be changed. Learning to change them will change your whole life and take your potential to entirely new levels. Now get out there and Stop, Ask, and Choose!
Everywhere you go in the personal growth space these days, you hear about the importance of clarity. Just about every "guru" has their talk on this subject and how incredibly important it is.
In fact, the common theme is that you "must be crystal clear" on what you want, where you are going, and how you are going to get there - or you won't get it.
I used to subscribe to this theory as well. I used to speak about how important it is to be crystal clear in everything - until I realized it wasn't.
One day, I was retooling one of my talks which included a section on clarity. As I started to think more about the concept of being "crystal clear," I realized that on a lot of things I wasn't clear, let alone crystal clear.
I began to examine the different areas of my life and where I had had massive success and asked myself, "Was I crystal clear before I began down the road that led to that success?" It turned out, I really wasn't.
I realized one thing was consistent; a good sense of direction. I wasn't crystal clear on how I was going to get the result I desired, but I did have a direction to go, and I took the first step and took action.
As I thought about this a little more, I realized something profound. A dirty little secret that most of the so-called gurus aren't going to tell you. The truth is that no one is ever really crystal clear on things. When you start down the path to success, you may think you are, but whatever journey you are on will not go smoothly and be wrought with twists and turns. It will make you question yourself and what you thought you were clear on. And you will change things along the way. But, above all, you would still have a direction to go and that is the key element.
A lot of people get caught up in trap of the "clarity curse" where they spend of all this time looking for that crystal clarity so they can begin. And of course, they never really find it, so they don't begin.
My advice to you is to pick a direction. One in which you are confident and truly believe in with conviction, and then get started. You will figure things out along the way and things will become more clear the further along you go. In fact, if you have ever seen the Lord of the Rings or read the books, it is a perfect example of what it means to have a good direction and then find clarity along the way. Frodo didn't really have clarity on what he needed to do until very late in the journey.
Stop worrying so much about clarity because it is an illusion, especially in the beginning. Find your direction and go. You'll be amazed at how you end up succeeding in your quest.
Do you ever feel like you are still searching for "it?" You get everyday and you go to work. You focus, you work hard..and smart, you are passionate. At times, it seems like you have it all figured out, until that one day you wake up and you realize you don't?
You being to ask yourself, "Why do I do it? What is my endgame? What is my real mission in this world?"
Maybe you ask God, "Why am here? More importantly, why am I here at this time? How am I destined to leave an impact on this world and do something that is meaningful and serves you?"
If you are someone who this happens to from time to time, you are not alone. I am there with you.
There are times when I think I have it all figured out and then something happens that makes me realize "I don't or I realize that I can accomplish more and serve more than I thought...but I am not sure how."
It is really question of purpose. What are you truly meant to do? What was it you were truly created for?
As you can see, going down this path gives you more questions than answers most times, but it is a very healthy (and normal) exercise to go through.
I have found that going back to my roots and just writing it out puts it all into focus.
What am I here?
And I remind myself that in order for me to be here, someone else is not because the odds of me existing are virtually zero. It is because of all this that I do it - everyday, every single day.
Why are you here? Why do you do it? Start writing and find the answer for yourself!
There are a lot of things that you can do to affect your life and business, and give you a better chance to succeed. You can practice DCP, hustle, work hard and smart, build great relationships, and even have the right mindset, but there is one thing that is not necessarily in your control that has an impact on your success as well...that is timing.
You can have all of the above, but still fail because of bad timing. Just ask MySpace (if you even remember or know what it is). MySpace was essentially Facebook before Facebook. It was the right idea, but at the wrong time. The market wasn't ready yet. The same thing happened with a lot of the initial "box subscription" companies. There were numerous "Blue Apron's" and Hello Fresh's" long before those came out that failed because it wasn't yet a normal part of life.
Timing doesn't just mean market timing for a product or service, it can be timing in your business for an initiative or in your life for a meaningful change, etc.
In fact, I once lost an A-Player from my team simply because of bad timing. This person was doing a great job in the role they were in, but they knew, and we knew, that they were capable of much more. We wanted them to do much more and move into a bigger role. We had even discussed it with them in the past.
As the business grew and got to a point where the role was finally needed and we could afford it, we (my business partner and I) started putting everything together for the role and making plans to do the promotion with a big celebration, etc. We started that process 2 months before we were going to announce it to the A-Player. We had planned to do it in December going into the New Year, but we knew everything in October.
In late November, the employee came to us with his notice that he was going to leave for an executive level opportunity. We were literally a week out from promoting them and they were leaving! We did everything we could to save them. We explained our plans, the role, and how much time we had put into crafting the perfect role for them - but they had already made the commitment and given their word to the new company. On top of that, we didn't look that great, because it was after they told us that we came to them with the new role, etc.
Needless to say, they moved on and we remain friends to this day, but our poor timing cost us a great asset to our company and a great team member. We could have easily told them what were planning in October when we had done it. We may not have had all the details, but it would have made a difference to them and probably would have kept them from even taking the interview in the first place.
And that is the lesson, in life and business, there are moments of opportunity when you know the timing is right and you need to seize them - don't hesitate. Act in spite of the doubt, fear, or even complacency. Equally as important is to know when the timing isn't right for something and to table it. That doesn't mean that there won't ever be a time for it, just not now. The hardest thing to do is to see reality when you have worked really hard on something, or someone, and are emotionally invested in it. But, it will make a huge difference in your life and business if you can muster the courage to do so.
Be conscious of your timing, especially on big initiatives, and make sure to always be ready to seize the moment when it arrives.
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